LDRBN: Saudade

To those who don’t know, I am in a long distance relationship. And LDRBN has kindly invited me to their blogging network where I will be posting two articles/month in relation to handling and general advice with Long Distance Relationships. Don’t worry though, I will be keeping up with my make up, skincare, fashion, and other posts as well. 🙂


Saudade: a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia

When I was in 8th grade, I thought I met my true love. He was kind, sweet, accepted me, and loved me (or what love is when we are in 8th grade). I thought I might grow up to marry him. But the following year, when I was in 9th grade, my parents officially decided to migrate to the US of A. At that point, I personally made a decision to break up with the person who I thought was my true love.

There was no way I could have a long distance relationship with someone only after dating for a couple of months. I also felt that I was not emotionally strong enough to deal with that kind of distance and pain. So I broke up with him. I wanted and knew I needed the physical contact that would lead to emotional contact. I didn’t believe in my own ability to not be able to hold his hands, or hug him when I wanted to.

And for a good couple of years after that, I truly believed that. I believed that I needed the physical contact and just couldn’t deal with a long distance. However, then I met him and that changed.

I loved him too much to let him go.

I know that sounds selfish, but isn’t love selfish anyway? When we love someone, don’t we expect them to give us time? Isn’t that selfish? When we love someone, don’t we expect them to want to talk to us and let us know about their day? Isn’t that selfish?

I propose that there is no such thing as unselfish love (unless you are a parent, in which case, you can absolutely argue that there is unselfish love in this world).

Because of how much we loved each other, neither of us really wanted to let the other one go (yes, we talked about this. I am in a relationship so I wasn’t going to just keep dating if he didn’t want to). And here we are today, where I would say that 2/3 of our relationship is distance. I see him for about 2-3 weeks during the winter, and then if I’m lucky, a couple of months during the summer (but even the summer time is beginning to become smaller). So the other half of the year, we spend missing each other’s touch, each other’s warmth, and each other’s laughter. We get jealous of the couples we know who can see each other with just a bus ride or car drive away. We begin to tell each other how much we miss them every couple of hours because it is true.

But then I think we have gotten to a point in our relationship where we have learned to deal with “saudade”. We keep ourselves busy. We do things with our lives that we can tell each other about, but also making sure that our mind is constantly occupied until at night, when we are each alone and then it comes towards us, like a tidal wave.

No one ever said a long distance relationship is easy, and it 100% isn’t. But there are for sure ways to deal with that kind of nostalgia and the need for each others presence.

I, personally, also go to sleep, dreaming about our next encounter, the next time we get to see each other, kiss each other, hug each other, go on dates with each other, hold hands with each other, and being able to wake up to each other.

In the end, the distance may be optional, or unavoidable, but you can always close that distance or make time go faster. Keep an open mind, you can do it.


Don’t forget to SM:)LE today!

xo

∞ sofieyah ∞

P.S. This post is inspired by the following prompt that can be found here.

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