Let’s be real, we have probably all been screwed over by our “friends” in the past, whether that was when you were in 3rd grade or as a junior in high school. It’s all happened to us and it will probably continue happening to us for a long time.
I have been screwed over so often by my “friends” that I forget what it’s like to even have friends that I can rely on, and be my confidante.
I realize how screwed over I was when I started college in Smith and made a bunch of close friends. After a couple of weeks, we were still talking and spending time together so I was really excited and happy. However, one day I felt left out, because some of them were spending time together and was posting it on social media. I felt really sad, but also really angry. Those emotions made me unconsciously distance myself from them. I avoided talking to them, and started to make other plans on the days where we would spend time (ie. schedule lunch with someone else rather than eat with them).
After a week though, after talking to my friend about what was going on (she is part of the group), I realized that I didn’t trust them yet. Our friendship had been on the surface, and that everything I was imagining was just me overthinking things.
I realized that trust is an important factor in maintaining a friendship.
But something else I realized was that, no matter how many times I got screwed over in the past, if I keep letting my past effect me, I would never make any serious friendships.
Another social trust issue I realized is with my boyfriend. At around the 6 month mark of our relationship, trust began to become very important in maintaining out love. The reason trust began to become important was because we were going to go through with trying a long distance relationship.
It took me a long time to trust him and open up to him. But after I did, I realized that he became so much more special to me, and our love was so much stronger.
Recently, he went back to school, and on the 3rd was the last time I was going to see him until May, so we were cuddling and telling each other how much we love each other, and how much we were going to miss each other. Now, I had only seen him cry once before, and that was just a few tears. But this time, he really just let it all out. I talked to him the day after and asked him about it, and he told me that I made it feel okay to let him be vulnerable. I swear I felt myself breath a sigh of relief because while I started to trust him completely around the 6 month mark, he was starting to trust me around now, and I was so ecstatic about that.
While I didn’t give much advice about the March Real Talk, I will be giving you advice now about trust in social situations.
1. Trust yourself.
Only if you trust yourself, will you be able to trust others.
A part of trusting others, and expecting others to trust you, is to communicate. If something is bothering you, talk about it because more likely than not, they might be going through something big in their life and wasn’t sure if you would notice.
3. Categorize your friends into who you will trust the most.
I know this sounds extremely inhuman, and also extremely robotic, but that is what I do and here’s why you should and why you probably are already doing that.
I do that because then I am protecting myself. In the past I have pretty much trusted all my friends with secrets, with what I want etc and I always walked away scarred. But now I realized that if I had picked and choose who I trusted, I wouldn’t have been hurt so much. But a good example of how you probably already do this, is this: think of your best friend. And then think of a friend who you consider to be more than an acquaintance/class mate/work partner and ask yourself, do you tell your best friend and your friend the same kinds of things?
If you say yes then…good for you. But if you say no, then you’re most likely categorizing your friends. And don’t feel bad. It’s what humans do. We want to protect ourselves, but we are also extremely sociable creatures so we want the best of both worlds.
There’s nothing wrong with categorizing your friends.
Once last thing to remember…
4.Trust your instincts.
Don’t trust someone that has a bad reputation with people. It’s just common sense.
Don’t forget to SM:)LE today!
∞ sofieyah ∞