When I had initially decided to do this #RealTalk series, that I would be planning and prewriting before I would eventually sit down to write the publishable post. However a lot of things have been happening around me lately that I realize that I don’t need to preplan.
I want to write from the heart, and I will.
This month’s #RealTalk is about crying.
First off, some background about me.
I grew up in a very traditional Chinese culture where there is are strong sets of display rules. You can only smile and be happy around outsiders and should always cry and be angry within the confines of your own house, sometimes even your own room. I remember being a child and being lectured by my parents for not being serious enough and for getting horrible grades. At that time I was starting my teen years so I was unsure of who I was and was very emotionally unstable. So I would often cry. And my mother and father would look at me like I was stupid for cry. They would tell me to just stop crying. Why was I crying? You (aka. me) were the one that did it wrong, you shouldn’t be crying. You wouldn’t be crying if you had done it correctly, then I wouldn’t be here to lecture you.
This lead to me growing up to only cry within the confines of not only my own room, but also only when I’m in bed.
People say that it is very unhealthy to not let out emotions and I strong agree. Honestly.
After 19.5 years of crying in my own bed, I am finally coming to terms with crying in front of others. Even though crying is, in its own way, a weakness, it is also a strength because it shows that you are willing to open up to that person.
Now it’s been a long time coming but I am slowly starting to cry in front of other people. Of course, it’s not like I am just bursting out in tears for no damn reason in front of my friends, but I am starting to let myself feel the rainbow emotions in front of people I trust, like my boyfriend. He has seen almost every beautiful and gruesome side of me and is still willing to be with me.
I just want to let you know that no matter how your parents defined the idea of crying, and no matter what gender you are, you are allowed to cry.
Crying is healthy.
It’s not taboo, and I shame my culture for making emotions taboo. It’s extremely unhealthy and I know that.
Because do you all want to know something? Every day I walk around with a weight in my heart that has been there since being told not to cry. I keep my emotions hidden and only laugh and smile in front of my friends. But that weight, no matter how many years will pass by, I know will never truly go away. Because I had been hiding my emotions for so long that it has become commonplace for me.
As I am writing this, I am actually on the verge of tears and just letting it out. But I’m holding out, not because I am refusing to let it out, but just because I need to write a lot of blogposts and I become very unproductive when I am crying xD
But since we are here, let me just let the world know why I always end my blog posts with the phrase: “Don’t forget to SM:)LE today!” I end my blog posts like this because smiling is as important as crying. It’s a healthy way to express yourself and the emotions that you are going through.
Maybe you’re like me though and sometimes you just don’t want to smile. And that is completely okay. But no matter how bad your day is going, just remember that there is someone else out there who is leading a much harder life overall compared to you. So that is why I say “Don’t forget to SM:)LE today!” A smile can also brighten the day of anyone that surrounds you.
But, back to crying.
Allow your emotions to come through. It’s not taboo. It’s okay.
Don’t forget to SM:)LE today! And cry if you haven’t cried within the past month.
∞ sofieyah ∞
P.S. I hope everyone had an amazing Thanksgiving and if you are doing Black Friday, be careful!